Greed and Fear

A friend said to me the other day, every decision we make is governed either by fear or greed (I’m taking greed to mean wanting something you don’t currently have, there’s nothing mean or miserly about it).

It’s not hard for me to agree with this statement and when I reflect on my own life I’m ashamed (or is it afraid) to admit what drives me has been predominantly fear. This became glaringly apparent to me last year when I ignored my fears and trepidation and moved to Melbourne, with no locked in job and a measly $6000 in savings. Since then I have taken more risks, largely risks driven by money (a.k.a. greed) and as such have reaped far more rewards. I took on a trade market for my handmade jewellery business, which I never would have believed I was ready for, but I was invited to apply (They most likely became familiar with me due to the Melbourne move) and so I took the risk. I did the hard work and was ready in time for the market. I booked more than enough orders to cover the cost of doing the market and continued to take orders throughout the rest of the year. I worked two jobs at once something the previous year I thought would be beyond me. And I was offered a job by an acquaintance I met at a workshop when I first moved. I jumped on it and broadened my experience from retail to admin and it became my primary source of income. All courageous and greedy steps forward.

Unfortunately (though fortune has little to do with it) in the last six or so months I have fallen back into old habits. Moving out of my apartment in Melbourne (with the intention of moving into a more cost effective share house) and leaving one of my jobs (with the intention of finding something more rewarding) I visited my parents in Brisbane for a week. This was in July and I’m still there now. What happened? Well the fear got me. The fear of being rejected by yet another share house, the fear of not finding a better job, the fear of not making any friends. It was far easier and safer to stay with mum and dad who would take care of me if and when the money ran out, and catch up with my high school friends who I didn’t have to struggle to get to know. It took months to accept that this was what I was doing, that I was running away from life just like I’d hid from it in the past.

Three years later and lets just say, I’m greedy as hell. Fear will always lurk in the back of my mind but these days I tell it to piss off. I say yes to jobs I’m not sure I can do, I have a dreamy BF who’s always pushing me, I have my drivers license (The biggest fear of my life), and I’ve been published on more than one occasion.

Life can be scary, but you can be greedier.


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